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Apr. 23rd, 2008

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I'm home now. Jetlagged, refusing to even do my laundry. Last night, adjusting my feet, my chiropractor said she was glad I'd come home.

I am, too. It's easy enough to rationalize it as a non-failure, but I don't care if I have failed and I'm not the tiniest bit embarrassed by not doing what I set out to do. I'm just glad to be home.

Apr. 21st, 2008

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There is value in knowing when to give up the ghost.

I had reasons for making this journey, things I hoped to learn, but we can never plan these things, can we? I've learned that it´s foolish to leave a good home, a good life, just to show I can. I´ve learned that I may be no social butterfly, but I thrive on having around me people I love and can talk with. I've learned that I like to be alone in the morning and in community in the evening. I prefer wet mountains to arid farmland. And I don´t like many Germans, but Koreans generally like me. I learned to efficiently pee in the woods.  I am a princess - I want my nightly bath and nice warm bed, but i can withstand quite a lot when put to the test.

And that´s just the thing - this is a test for the sake of testing. Soon, my little Korean friend (wherever you are), said that when her foot hurt (from a serious childhood injury) she thought of African women everyday walking 10 km each way for water. It encouraged her to go on, to not feel sorry for herself. But it isn't self-pity I feel - when I think of that African woman, I wonder what she´d think of me. I think she´d think I was nuts, to trade my comfort for her pain. So is my lack of gratitude in evidence in giving up this opportunity, or having the conceit to take it in the first place?

I´ve spent a lifetime feeling that I always need to be going somewhere. Taking the long view. But I think maybe that ¨making something of myself" needs to be a casualty of this experiment. I am what I love and how well I love it, and nothing more or less. 


See you on Tuesday.

Apr. 18th, 2008

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I think this means I´m happy

I am deeply homesick. It will not subside. I am trying to find a way home. This seems ridiculous...putting my body and my heart through this...for what? For the knowledge of what home is.

Apr. 17th, 2008

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Cirauqui to Estella-Arneguy

Not a great day today, so far anyway, in the sense of things to see and experience, although physically I am miles better. 

Left the lovely Cirauqui this morning without breakfast. Inoa, our hospitaera, had told us we´d find food in Lorca, 5 km away. The road leading out of Cir. is a Roman road, with ancient cobbles still barely emerging from the gravel. I crossed the first of many bridges today (modern, medievel, Roman, and everything in between), to arrive in Lorca, just before 10, as Lucille from Switzerland pulled up behind me. Everything was closed, so I opened my bread bag and shared with two other hungry souls. All food is communal on the camino, no matter how it is acquired.

Made a surprisingly cold stroll 4.5km to Villapuerta, where I planned to wait out impending rain, which never materialized. Going into the panaderia, I met Lucille again going out. She´s just out of university, and speaks German, French, and Italian, because htey are all her mother tongues. Discussed the pros and cons of being from a culture where multilinguality is imperative. 

Another 4 km to Estella, passing by a lovely abandoned church, where the Griffon vultures were circling. I began to feel like their best lunch prospects. Crossed through incredibly smelly fields, ¨like a ripe shite¨said Richard from Ireleand put it. I met him day before yesterday as I ascended Mount Pardon. He has until Aug 9 for his walkabout...at least it would be ¨very advisable¨for him to put an end to it then for his sister´s wedding. He´lls have to find work along, though, which may not be too difficult. Said in Lorca (really?!) he´d met a bartender who just stopped his pilgrimage and started up in the restaurant. 

Didn´t like the looks of EStella, but my next destination seemed too far. (I couldn´t have gone on, I keep telling myself, but now I´m 2nd guessing of course.) Am staying at an albergue just on the other side of Estella, in a suburb called Arnegy. The ¨worst¨in some sense s far, as it is basiclaly the basement of a Boys and Girls Club. Nly cold showers ina  co-ed bathroom without shower doors, so no bathing for me tonight. Fighting the urge to go on to Monjardin, only 7 km but straight up a steep hill. where I know I would find Richard from Ireland and Heather and Griffin from Washington state, all people I really like. But I feel this is best for me. No one so far I can really communicate with except for Peter, the volunteer hospitalero from Germany. May be the camino´s way of detaching me and making me walk my own road. Although I´m learning not to get too excited when an albergue is quiet at 3:00...more always come along, especially more Germans. Apparently, a popular German book discusses the camino so they´ve all picked up their sticks and started walking. Considering the number I´ve encountered, I´d be surprised if there are any left in their own country. 

Briefly, this albergue is a municipal albergue, run by the government. They are all 5 or 6 euros per night. Some are very nice. This one, not so much. Other types of albergues are private, like the one in Cirauqui last night, and they cost 9 o 10 euros but are usually cozy, nice environment. Also, there are parochial albergues, run by churches, which are donativo - donation only - but I haven´t stayed in one yet. 

I hate how difficult it is to write here. No time to compose really, even though I try to do a little on paper first. I´ll fix it all up later, and I will fill in the last days tonight, I hope, but I really despise how elementary this writing is. 

Love..

Apr. 16th, 2008

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Obanos to Cirauqui

1) On the way out of Obanos this morning, I could barely walk. The bunion on my left foot hurt like hell, and I had a blister under the same toe. I saw others just sauntering ahead, and I though...I just want to WALK!!! So, I put my left foot in my sandal, my right foot in my boot, and started crying. I cried all the way to Puente La Reina. 

Then I thought...so be it. So I go slowly. I will go however far I can with whatever time I have. I will do my best. This isn´t a race. Maybe, the problem is that I am becoming too attached to the people I meet. The slower I go, the more people I encounter. Let them pass by. And I will pass by that which I do not love. 

2) New skill: I peed in the woods...twice. This is good...it means I am drinking a lot of water. 

3) At only noon, I stopped at a beautiful city on a hill and sat in the doorway of the closed albergue. Werner, from Germany, came by and we had lunch overlooking the wheat and olive strewn hills beyond. I met Werner in Obanos with a ¨camino¨family...Ana from Sweden and Angela from Toronto. But they had gone on ahead...Werner was a camino widower. 

The albergue at Cirauqui was miraculous. Cozy. Inoa, the hospitalera, and her husband live there and make dinner for pilgrims every night in their basement, which is an old wine cave. We had leek soup and a spicy spaghetti. And, of course, wine. 

4) Katy and Chris from New Mexico passed on some of their 600 mg ibuprofen. I think my life has changed, now. 

Today, I also met...Brenda from Ireland, Celia from Germany, and Lucille from Switzerland.

Apr. 14th, 2008

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Cizur Menor, Spain

Not too much today. Walked from Trinidad del Arre to Cizur Menor, through Pamplona. I stopped at the Pamplona cathedral, whose name I cannot recall right now. It was beautiful, especially in the early morning light. I think I was their first paying customer for the day. (It opened on Spain-time...10ish o´clock.)

My knee is some better today, but my left ankle/calf hurts badly. Plus, I had a blister popped this evening by a lovely Korean, Soon, who I met last night. So I´m not in great shape. I walked Pamplona in my Tevas today to give my blistering feet a rest. I hope my leg is feeling better tomorrow, as I´d like to get in a full day of walking. Maybe 10 miles. Uterga if I don´t go that far, Eunate if I do. 

The albergue tonight is again lovely, and rather crowded. Many people begin the camino in Pamplona, so getting to the albergues early is more important from here out. Soon and I found a grocery store this afternoon and bought pasta and tomato sauce. We shared a lovely dinner with Heather and Griffin, who contributed tangy Spanish oranges, bread, and a nice hard cheese. 

To bed early tonight. I hope for another solid sleep. 

Love...

Apr. 13th, 2008

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Trinidad del Arre

I have found heaven and it is called Trinided del Arre.

Planned to go to Cizur Menor today, past Pamplona, but I only went half the distance. Frustrating, because the walk was easy, but the descents of the last two days strained my right knee, and today I began to feel compensatory pressure in my left ankle. Plus, yesterday was wet, walked through streams, mud, and rain, so my feet are tender and beginning to blister a little. 

Was so slow, sure I had lost the Irish for good, but caught up with Katy, Maureen and Brendan in the last stretch. The Irish are 6 people from a walking club in BallyVaughan, Ireland. Kevin, who is a 60ish farmer, is their valiant leader. He started the club a few years ago and it now has 120 people. Next year, they climb Kilamanjaro. Kevin is on mission to finish to Santiago in 4 weeks, a mad pace. Mary and Berne are keeping up with him, but Katy, Maureen and Brendan are only on for 10 days and were fed up with the rush. Katy has become a friend. She is 40, but doesn´t look a second over 28. She´s a freelance graphic designer who is married to a farmer. Maureen and Brendan are a married couple in their 40s...

Anyway...

I caught up with them in the last stretch. We said goodbye just before TdA, but the Bavarian (I´ll need to make a character list later) put me on the right path and I met them again for lunch in TdA. Lovely lunch of cafe con leche, from orange juice, and a chorizo pastry and a pastry with olives and tuna...small plates called bocadillos....I knew that this was really the end witht hema nd found myself getting a little sad. Brendan did a couple of recitations for us...songs passed from his grandfather. We exchanged information...open invitatation to Ireland for me, baby...and said farewell. They are trying to keep up with Kevin and I am now on the slow path. I rather wish they´d stayed, but the mix here in the TdA albergue is good...more quiet, earnest ones like me. 

The moment I decided to stop in TdA, my emtional burden was gone and my knee felt better. I feel like my camino is really beginning here. 

TdA is a suburb of Pamplona, and is lovely. To enter, we crossed a bridge over the rushing river Arga and walked down a narrow cobblestone street to the cafe, just as the locals wereheading to Mass. We´ve all lost track of time...no idea of the day or the time...and were surprised by the revelation that it is Sunday. 

The albergue didn´t open until 2, so I sad by the river for a while writing and watching the locals as they took their Sunday strolls. A young Spanish man, alternately kissing and chastising his 4 rollerblading offspring, while 2 other 5year old boys played soccer in the street.

Waiting for the albergue to open, encountered Heather and her 13year old son, Griffin, from Washington state, and who were in Larrasoana last night. At 2 we were invited in by a lovely old monk, who stamped our credentials, took our 6 €, and gave us the grand tour of the cloister we´re now inhabiting. Now, before bed, it has filled up, but for the first day, I´ve had a relaxing time washing clothes, reading, and having dinner...

I´m actually posting this from the library in Pamplona. TdA was all I´d hoped it would be...and there was, finally, SLEEP. 9...NINE!!!!...precious hours of it. I´m still sore, but I´m only going on to Cizur Menor tonight, where I¨ll meet Heather, et al again. 

Lots of love to all...

Apr. 12th, 2008

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Larrasoana, Spain

Quick note, because I´m a little delirious from the walk today. 

17 miles, from Roncesvalles to Larrasoana. Left around 7:30 and got here about 4:30. Im sore and aching today, especially my feet and my right knee. The descents are really killing me, and the ascents are no piece of cake. Thought seriously of giving up and going home today, but now that I´m here and looking forward to dinner with interesting people, things seem a little better. 

Walked through incredible amounts of mud today. Muddy pastures, muddy cow trails, muddy rivers. 

Left alone this morning, but the Irish caught up to me when I stopped for breakfast. Spent much of the day walking with Katy, the youngest of the pack, and who is slow like me. Also met Glori, a woman I had interacted with on a forum. She´s from New York. 

Headed to the bar now, for drinks and to reserve my place in the peregrin dinner.

Apr. 11th, 2008

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Roncesvalles, Spain

I was a bit ambitious starting this blog, and I won´t have time to post the details and reflections that I would like, so check back every now and then for backdated and updated entries. 

I´m at a monastary in Roncesvalles, Spain, sipping wine...only 1€...good, but not as good as the lovely free wine I had in France last night. I did not understand and booked myself into a hotel tonight instead of the albergue, but I had a BATH (and I think I see another one in my future) and washed my clothes in the tub. So I will thank the heavens for what will be my 1st good sleep in 4 nights (and you know what sleep means to me).

Early afternoon yesterday, I arrived in Saint Jean Pied de Port, France (a historical starting point for the camino) via train and bus from Bordeaux, France, where I spent my first night. (I had marvelous crepes, there, by the way, as big as a pizza.) I can´t wait to return through Bordeaux...great shopping! When I disembarked from the train in SJPP, woman says, ¨Bonjour. Vous allez a la camino?¨ ¨Bonjour¨ I replied, Oui, et tu? Oui, she says, as she turned to her compatriot and began speaking in a thick Irish brogue. Ha! And this began my life with the 6 Irish and the stray they picked up on the plane.

We walked together to the Pilgrim office. There, I asked for a reservation in Orisson, because I just didn´t have a lot of faith that my legs would last the full climb through the Pyrenees in one day. The Irish did the same, so after dinner, we started the walk. 3.5 hours and only 8km (5 miles) later we arrived. The walk from SJPP to Orisson was along the steepest road I have ever seen. I climbed Kennesaw Mountain 10 times today. My instincts served me.

We had a lovely dinner of soup (amazing), sausage (I tried black pudding), and pasta and creme brulee. I slept in a room with the Irish, a restless night until I learned how to use the earplugs. My God they snore. 

Started out on my own this morning. Another climb, gained the same altitude as yesterday, but not as steep. Up to the snowline, through wind, along a sunny ridge with fresh snow, and finally the steep and muddy descent into Roncesvalles through a gorgeous (and thawing) birch forest. 

The Irish are in the monastary´s albergue, 120 beds in one hall. I´ll have dinner with them in awhile, and after that, the traditional pilgrim mass. An expensive mistake on my part, but I think the sleep will make me a new person. 

Tomorrow, Roncesvalles to Larrasoana, 17 miles, or Zubiri, if I get tired. 

No major aches. I expected soreness this morning and had none. My feet ache now, and my thights are a little strained, but all things I can live with, I think. The worst is over, at least for awhile. 

Except the homesickness. The days are wonderful, but at night, I get homesick enough to ditch the whole thing. But as I am learning the hard way...in the darkness, we take slow steps. Don´t think about 6 weeks, or next week. Think about tomorrow, or only dinner, or over that hill, or, if it´s all you can stand, the next step. 

Love!

Apr. 2nd, 2008

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My eyes already touch the sunny hill.
going far ahead of the road I have begun.
So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;
it has inner light, even from a distance-

and charges us, even if we do not reach it,
into something else, which, hardly sensing it,
we already are; a gesture waves us on
answering our own wave...
but what we feel is the wind in our faces.
~rmr


Today, I bought a plane ticket. In early April, the wind will carry me into the south of France. From there, I will carry myself across the Pyrenees, through northwestern Spain, for 500 miles. I will go alone. Some time in mid-May I will arrive in Santiago de Compostela, Spain.

I’d never heard of it. In fact, few Americans attempt to walk. But every year, thousands of people set off along many routes that converge in Santiago, at the cathedral dedicated to St. James the Greater, the first disciple called by Jesus. (Legend says that St. James’ bones are laid there.)

I decided to take this trip to commemorate two years of transformation. Someone I trust perceived that this experience would not be so much a beginning for me as much as the consolidation of the changes in my life. And I believe she is right...the pilgrimage seems to have begun the moment I decided to undertake it.

I am so very excited. 
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April 2008

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